The countdown to midnight on NYE is probably the most bittersweet, melancholy moment of the year, and, if you’re averse to it, be advised you’ll have to endure an extra second of it on Saturday night.
There’s nothing you can do about it though, the cold, mechanical march of time, so it’s best to just embrace the coming of the New Year and embrace everyone around you.
The first step in avoiding the hollow sense of disappointment that comes with the first few seconds of 2017 being exactly the same as the last few of 2016 is to ditch ‘Auld Lang Syne’, that dreary, funereal folk poem that no-one knows more than two lines of.
Instead, allow us to make a few suggestions, some of which embrace the best of 2016, and some of which bid it good riddance.
‘Sandstorm’ by Darude
Despite having never actually been in a sandstorm, Darude perfectly encapsulates being in one, blasting you seemingly endless waves of granulated bass. ‘Sandstorm’ is such an unapologetic piece of garbage that the smattering of friends who have actually shown up at your house won’t be able to resist getting caught up in it, spraying discount prosecco on the walls and, for a brief moment, slipping out of reality and dancing to it deliriously – all irony discarded.
‘Drunk in Love’ by Beyoncé
This enduring, melodramatic banger sums up the wooziness of New Year’s Eve. If you don’t imagine yourself staggering around with a bottle drunkenly slurring it at an ex-lover or the moon then you’re just lying to yourself. It will also please both the pop demographic and R&B aestheticians in the room.
‘Where Is My Mind?’ by Pixies
Maybe this is a little gloomy, but, as Fight Club (1999) so sensationally proved, it is the perfect way to cap something, anything – even if you don’t really know what it is – off.
‘Teenage Dirtbag’ by Wheatus
Let’s face it, there’s a very good chance your party is going to descend into a nostalgia-fest, and I can’t think of a song more evocative of high school and its hormone-fuelled intense romances than ‘Teenage Dirtbag’.
Blissfully regress to childhood, the room whisper-singing “I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden baby…” and fist-pumping furious when the victorious climax hits.
‘Black Beatles’ by Rae Sremmurd
There’s absolutely nothing remarkable about this song, and I say that as a huge Rae Sremmurd fan. Nevertheless, this song owned 2016, a kind of self-perpetuating anthem for partying through the pain.
‘Genesis’ by Grimes
Art Angels might be the more obvious Grimes party album, but something about this track off Visions is transcendental, lifting the room above the clouds and somewhere out of space and time. The countdown may just become collection of ones and zeroes.
‘Chandelier’ by Sia
As with ‘Drunk in Love’, no-one’s going to be angry and ripping out the headphone jack if you stick this one on.
“I’m going to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist”
‘I Shoulda Left You’ by Chance the Rapper and Jeremih
Featuring the ubiquitous mantra ‘Fuck 2016’, this centerpiece of Chance and Jeremih’s Christmas mixtape couldn’t be more appropriate. It’s got the trap rhythm you’ll need for dancing, and the sentiment (“I shoulda left you in 2016”) you’ll need to resolve to do things differently next year.